― Oscar Wilde

Challenges, pain and suffering; sorrows and disappointments-all immutable parts of life.

As the quote states, these touch us all. The only thing to deal with is why, and what we do with them. It is incumbent to realise that those who are face down in the gutter dwelling upon the wrongs being inflicted upon them, shall, not only never emerge therefrom, but if they do, be fraught with bitterness, resentment, deep-seated anger, etc…

Whilst those who keep their gaze upon the stars, not only find meaning in the suffering, in ‘’being in the gutter’’, but upon emergence, use the lessons gained to spread more lessons and goodwill. Some may even go so far as NOT seeing being in the gutter as necessarily negative. That, however, is a separate matter 😊.

What is the difference between the proverbial superhero and supervillain? We see these archetypes in mythology, comic books, folklore, religion, fables, etc…

Very often, across these platforms, they have similar, nearly identical experiences, and in some cases grow up together and are even related (Sabretooth and Wolverine)! However, the superhero states; ‘’because I have suffered, I shall do my absolute best to spare others from that suffering’’. The villain states: ‘’ As I have suffered, so shall everyone else. None shall be spared’’!

It is not necessarily experiences that determine our end, (though they doubtlessly contribute in shaping us) but how we REACT to them, is potentially a greater contributor.

Should you see yourself as number 1., deserving of every right and privilege, the slightest inconvenience leads to bitterness. But, (from the perspective of yours truly) should you see the Will of God as nr. 1, then your family, community, the greater mankind, then you are earliest nr. 4., or 5., and focused on duties and responsibilities, and ‘’protecting others’’ and keeping your gaze on the stars-a higher purpose. It becomes extremely difficult to fall into the grips of self-pity, anxiety, anger, bitterness, depression, or transforming into a ‘’villain’’.

CHALLENGES are what we need to grow. Pressure builds diamonds, resistance in training makes muscles grow, same is true for emotions, lifestyle, and spiritual difficulties; challenges, or ‘’being in the gutter’’ is how we will grow, provided we do not lose sight of our mission, goal, and keep doing our best-keeping our gaze on the stars (See previous posts on developing healthy habits and staying motivated).

There are myriads of statistics and research projects since the 90s that anyone can find and peruse, that showed stress levels of high school students in the USA, were equal to those of their agemates during the Yugoslav war. Or a major cause of suicide among kids 14-16 in the UK was exams. Currently there is ongoing research that Medscape is to publish about suicide amongst medical students, being the highest among all students. Not to talk of suicide among professionals, with medical doctors ‘’leading’’ the way. However, not to digress, the point being, should one focus on the challenges as an opportunity for growth and strength, as weights in a gymnasium, they shall not break you to the point of suicide. Sure it is more extensive that, but that is the baseline; focusing more on being there for others as your mission, and less on one’s own self, is the basis for help and the rest builds upon this; keep your gaze on the stars, whilst in the gutter!

A kid from war-torn Darfur, if put in a safe US or UK environment, and asked if he would take his own life should he fail the upcoming exams would say no, and simply take them again or turn his attention to other endeavours. Why? Because he would have been challenged to a greater extent, emotionally-hence a failed exam would not be the end of everything.

This is NOT to make light of depression, angst, or suicide, but rather to show the importance challenges, and how we PERCEIVE them, have upon how we REACT to them. Same challenge, different reaction, due to different interpretation, due to different manner in ‘’seeing’’ yourself; as nr. 4 or 5, instead of as nr. 1!

 Humility, self-effacement/selflessness, are key. And these must be upheld. Consistency in everything. You do not eat or shower once; same way these must be done daily, so too these qualities must be upheld every second of every minute of every day. It is a constant process, beginning from early on in life.

And the same way we need bigger and heavier weights as our muscles and strength grow in the gym, and must increase our caloric intake; so too as our character gets stronger, shall we encounter greater challenges along the way, and will therefore need even more tools, and greater humility and sharper focus on the stars, to stay our course. Failure to maintain this, is why certain stories begin so well, yet end so poorly-because those involved failed to increase the tools necessary to meet with ever-increasing challenges. Nothing stays the same-this includes challenges. Therefore, our tools for dealing with them must also be enhanced every step of the way. What sufficed yesterday, will not necessarily suffice tomorrow. Like ascending to the next level in a video game😉.

Failure to do this will lead to a failed exam being life-altering and catastrophic (they can be, but should not be the end of our world), and before long, an unanswered text message leading to self-inflicted harm(It happens, sadly). All the while, there are those who lose their spouses, children, in atrocities, who manage to not only survive but help others endure-because they kept and increased their tools of humility, and self-effacement, and focused on their mission and DUTIES, not just on their rights (It happened, let me grow and learn and prevent others from going through the same; not it happened, now to hell with creation, how dare this befalls ME!?!). They kept their gaze upon the stars.

While the children are yet in their infancy feed them from the breast of heavenly grace, foster them in the cradle of all excellence, rear them in the embrace of bounty. Give them the advantage of every useful kind of knowledge. Let them share in every new and rare and wondrous craft and art. Bring them up to work and strive, and accustom them to hardship. Teach them to dedicate their lives to matters of great import, and inspire them to undertake studies that will benefit mankind. – Abdu’l-Baha, Selections from the Writings of Abdu’l-Baha, p. 129.